We have been married for 41 years.
When I look back today, I often wonder how differently our generation approached marriage, relationships, careers, and family life compared to the younger generation today.
I was just 21, and Rajiv was 24 when we got married. We were both medical students and had just completed our 3rd MBBS. We had been dating for two years, and once our basic graduation was over, marriage seemed like the most natural next step — for our parents and for us.
There were no lengthy discussions about “financial readiness,” “personal space,” or “compatibility scores.” We never sat down with spreadsheets calculating earning potential, future investments, or retirement plans. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together.
And strangely enough, that was enough.
We were excited about building a future side by side. Rajiv had originally wanted to pursue surgery, but because we dreamt of working together one day, he chose Obstetrics and Gynaecology for his post-graduation so that together we could eventually run our own hospital.
Those were simpler times.
Parents did not provide the kind of prolonged financial support many young couples receive today. In hindsight, that was perhaps a blessing because it forced us to become independent early in life.
Within two years, our son Ameya was born. Four years later, our daughter Amruta completed our family. At that stage, we were still struggling to establish our private practice and set up our own hospital. Soon after, we even moved abroad for higher studies — with two little children in tow.
And yet, I honestly do not remember feeling overwhelmed.
We had no maids, no elaborate parenting schedules, no “perfect balance.” We simply managed life one day at a time. We adjusted. We compromised. We grew together.
Today, I see many young couples meticulously planning every stage of life that, somewhere along the way, they forget to actually live.
There is endless planning before having children because they first want “me time.” Then comes financial planning. Many decide against having a second child because they fear additional financial responsibilities, often forgetting that a sibling is not merely an expense but a lifelong companion for the first child.
Careers become another race altogether. Constant job hopping for slightly higher salaries, bigger homes, more luxurious holidays, business-class travel, and the endless pursuit of a “better lifestyle.” Then comes dissatisfaction with jobs, dreams of launching startups, fear of failure, burnout, and exhaustion.
In chasing everything, people slowly lose time for themselves, for each other, and most importantly, for their children.
And somewhere in every disagreement, a new word appears — incompatibility.
“We are incompatible.”
It becomes the explanation for distance, unhappiness, and eventually separation.
But I often wonder — did our generation never face incompatibility?
Of course, we did.
We argued. We struggled financially. We made sacrifices. We adjusted our dreams. We disappointed each other at times. But we also cared deeply for each other’s feelings. And we cared even more for the family we were building together.
Marriage was never about finding a perfect person. It was about building a life together despite imperfections.
Perhaps what today’s generation needs most is not greater success, but greater resilience.
The ability to adjust. The wisdom to be content. The patience to grow together instead of walking away too soon. The understanding that happiness is often found in ordinary moments — sharing meals, raising children, facing hardships together, and simply being present for one another.
Life does not become meaningful because every goal is achieved.
It becomes meaningful because it is shared.
Maybe then, the word incompatibility will slowly disappear from our vocabulary.